16 going on 17...

Comment from my friend Cheryl, sophomore year in high school:
Apr 6, 2007 10:17 AM
so last night was ridiculous
me and hayley ended up coming home like at 2 or something and slept here for the night and laura ended up just going to her house around 4 or something like that and we were all like wtf what are we doing. so we went to whitnall park and tried to find a ghost or something like that haha and then got freaked out and then went to genesis and got coffee. that was my night. wooo.



I'm not sure exactly what is wrong with me, but every once in a while I do this thing where I log onto MySpace and read through old comments, blog entries, messages, etc. Every time I do it, I'm filled with this wistful nostalgia... this longing for the past. It's strange: for as much as I miss the past, I sometimes absolutely detested living in it. yet I still miss some parts.

These feelings seemed to hit me the strongest once my family and I finally moved from New Berlin to Muskego.
It was just a generally weird time in my life in general. Absolutely EVERYTHING was changing... I was a senior, so close to graduating. And I also had to give up my first home ever.
Even now, I still miss our old house in New Berlin so so so much. It wasn't anything fancy. but God, so many memories contained within it. Our new house in Muskego is nice... it's a beautiful house... but I still feel strange calling it "home" right now. I mean, I only lived there for eh... about 5 months or so, and then I ran off to college. It's hard for a house to become a home in that short a time period.

In general, though, there are some aspects about high school and teenage life I miss so terribly. I just miss the freedom, I guess. The freedom of being a child and not an adult.

One time I was writing another journal entry on this same topic, and this quote in particular stuck out in my mind:

Why am I here? I am supposed to be sitting in 24-hour diners and laughing my ass off about something stupid. I am supposed to be driving aimlessly around the city and finding myself. I am supposed to be blasting cutsie indie music and singing at the top of my lungs. I am supposed to be trying on different “selves,” supposed to be losing myself in stupid shopping sprees.

I guess my main purpose with this quote from my journal, and the comment from Cheryl at the beginning of my blog, is just to illustrate this fond remembrance I'm feeling... this desire to be so carefree and unworried again.

It's natural I guess.

BUT PLEASE NOTE, I am not necessarily dissatisfied with the present. In fact, I am extremely excited for what is happening now and what is going to happen in the near future. I'm just expressing these emotions I sometimes get when I think about the past.

*sigh*
to be 16 again...

but I suppose, If I've learned ANYTHING at all from all of these experiences and these emotions, it's simply to appreciate what is going on right now. because if I don't, I'm just going to look back and say "sigh, to be 19 again..."
"to be 21 again..."
"to be 25 again..."
etc, etc, etc, and on into infinity.