Ah, the cynic...

So I have not blogged in quite some time. I did write up a halfway interesting little entry a few weeks ago, but I considered it prudent to remove from viewing, due to its relatively graphic and personal nature.
And it is unfortunate that now, as I sit down to blog again, such negative energies would return to me, but alas, it's happened.


A few days ago, I ran into a little incident on Facebook which left me feeling a little anxious and jaded. I will not mention the very particulars about the incident, for multiple reasons.
Long story short, I ended up arguing furiously with someone else's MOTHER about some ignorant comments she had posted onto her own daughter's wall.


The whole ordeal was very disheartening. It made me lose so much faith in the human species. And even more specifically, in organized religion. And yes, I used to have great hopes in organized religion.
For, as often as it unnecessarily brainwashes and antagonizes the freest of minds, it is also a source of excellent community contributions and family gatherings. I grew to like the "idea" of church so much more than the actual doctrines of church. The individual doctrines--I found--were contradictory and unjust, unfair and illogical. But I, much like my mother, took comfort in the familiar routine of church... Getting the whole family together, dressing up, picking up grandma, going out to breakfast...

Regardless, it's safe to say that I used to consider church AT LEAST something tolerable.

however, after this incident, I no longer hold such views.


The woman I argued with was relentless. She did not back down at all. Even when I told her that her actions were "neither Christ-like nor inspiring," her only reponse was "if you are agnostic, why do you care?" But alas, ma'am, you have misdirected your question. The more important question is turned around onto you: If you are Christian, why do you NOT care about how your actions reflect on to other people? During the fourteen years of my WELS indoctrination and brain-washing, it was drilled into my head that our actions must always reflect "the light of Christ." And that we should, consequently be very careful of how we appear to others.
(Matthew 5:16 "Let your light shine before men, that others may see your good deeds and praise your Father in Heaven.")

I was absolutely appalled that this woman was so utterly unmoved by how her actions affected me, as a struggling agnostic. If she really gave two shits, she could have at least said, "I am sorry, but I am not called upon to be perfect. I too am a sinner."
but in her rebuttal, she expressed no such apologies. She thought that she was completely right in her actions. completely and utterly right.

the arrogance and self-certainty is disgusting.

Not only that, but later, she continued to mock me on her daughter's wall (adding that she had "learned so many hyperboles from that snot-nosed kid!")
what a complete slap in the face.

I spoke to that woman eloquently and calmly. I used polysyllabic and powerful words. I did not curse. I did not swear. I did not even use THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN.
and she mocks me for it. She mocks me for my articulateness.

Utterly shocking. and if I had completely cussed her out, and called her the goddamn-cunt-shit-bitch whore that she is, she would have still mocked me. you can't win.

My friend Sarah, after I presented this situation to her, merely said that this woman WAS expecting me to cuss her out, and she was shocked that I remained eloquent. So, therefore, she just mocked me for it.


I don't know.

This whole situation just makes me absolutely sick to my stomach, and what is the most painful and most hurtful is that these people are really supposed to be God's represenatives. They are supposed to be attuned to some divine secret of faith. They are supposed to be fighting a worthwhile cause. Yet they are no different from anyone else.
It just, quite literally, feels like a punch in the stomach. God's empty rebuttal to me... ("I am not here... I have left...")

I cannot ever take organized religion--or anyone who takes part in it--seriously any more.
As an agnostic, I just had a very open mind. I thought "Well, these people believe this, and those people believe that." and that was the end of the story.
but after this incident I am so completely flabbergasted and appalled, that I cannot merely sit back and be accepting of whatever these people do. Because they are hypocrites. because they are children. because they manipulate, lie. because they argue with 19 year-olds over Facebook, instead of doing the mature thing and just letting the situation past them. isn't that what they are supposed to do?
what of Jesus' beautiful and sincere creed about turning the other cheek? about praying for those who persecute you?
(Matthew 5:39 "But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.")
It doesn't matter. it's all just very pretty language that no one truly has the balls to put into practice. Evidently this woman doesn't care. She doesn't care about her cause.

She cares about her cause inasmuch as it coincides with her exact socioeconomic status and personal bias.
The latter bit about "personal bias" is becoming more and more evident. Sometimes I think people so fervently believe the Bible because they can use it to justify their own personal biases.
Many people are kind of uneasy about homosexuality. If they can find a pasasge that condemns it, WHOOPIE! they plaster it everywhere and rejoice.

But she clearly has no valuable cause. If she was truly sincere, if she truly cared about her cause, she would have turned the other cheek. She would have apologized in deepest humility, like Jesus. She did not. She merely retorted and retorted and retorted. And when I finally stopped saying things, she continued to mock me. And what about Jesus' beautiful and sincere creed about turning the other cheek...

Hogwash. Complete hogwash. No one does that. No one.


Needless to say, I am very upset, at life in general. at the bubble of WELS Lutherans that use religion to justify personal biases and elitism.
and even further, (on a somewhat unrelated note) I cannot understand how a book that has the following quotation in it can possibly be the True, Inspired Word of God:

Ezekial 23:20 "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses."