leave the novelist in his daydream tomb.

So, things have become complicated yet again. Coming to Milwaukee, everything was so simple:
I was going to become a wonderful architect. I was going to satisfy both my artistic and intellectual needs. I was going to design lots of sweet buildings, and aid in the construction and beautification of cities. Maybe I'd form a band in my (limited) spare time. or just continue to write.
because I needed that added qualification (the architect) attached to my name to be a worthwhile writer. to be a worthwhile human being.

My "Intro to Architectural Drawing" Class is insane. It isn't properly named, in my opinion. Perhaps this would be a more suitable title:
"Intro to Architectural Drawing: Drawing/Sketching Amazing Things in Short Periods of Time with Limited Instruction"
yep. sounds about right.
Don't get me wrong, I was excited for this class. when the Prof got up there and started spitting out this wonderful philosophy about our pencils being "wands;" and when he yelled us for sitting on our computers and cell phones too much; and when he told us that we were living in a world designed by other people, and that now WE must take over; WE must become the designers; We would not simply cop out in AutoCad; We would not use rulers or protractors; No, it would be just us. Just us with our pencils and sketchbook--when he said all these wonderful things, I was so excited. I was excited to become a "legit" designer.
It sounded so beautiful and lovely.
I was so incredibly excited... Until I remembered that my experience with observational drawing has been limited to sketching the shape of my hand during religion class.
I have never sat on a street corner and legitimately tried to sketch what I saw. The only drawing class I took never emphasized this. (but it was a high school-level class, so maybe that's understandable)
much of that class focused on technique, on copying other artists' preconceived ideas.

and so, now, there is me, sitting at random places throughout the UWM campus, slowly realizing that I am pretty bad at observational drawing!

My sketchbook probably has about eh... 8 pages or so filled. I am proud of only two or three sketches.
The only sketches that I am proud of are not even pictures of buildings. One's of my chair in my dorm room. Another is of two different shapes of my left hand.
Oops.

By Monday, I am required to have 6 sketches of various buildings throughout Milwaukee. I have completed about... 1.5.
Neither of which I am particularly proud of... in the least.

I was seriously considering dropping this class yesterday. Which is terrible. which is totally pussying-out. which is totally the opposite of everything I stand for.

but I was just so frustrated. There are some incredibly talented young artists in that class. I will be competing against these people for jobs later on. If they already show such promise, I would be doomed.
and I know, such thoughts were a bit over-dramatic and fatalistic. but there's definitely some truth in them.

I am continually bopping back and forth:
do I tough it out, continue on with Architectural courses? that was one of my primary reasons for coming to Milwaukee; it seems foolish to give up so quickly...
but sometimes when you know, you know.
I started looking at the admissions process for the Music program here at UWM. ah yes, back to music...
I am so capricious. I feel so fickle. and I know, a lot of college students ARE very indecisive. I mean, this is the REST of my life we're talking about here. I'd like to know that I made a good decision.

I guess, my main purpose for writing here today was to express some doubts I have about my once-perfect solution of studying Architecture.
I don't regret coming here or signing up for this class. It was all a learning experience. and as I've said once before, I barely scratched the surface of visual art in high school, so I guess I'm trying to find a final consensus on it. I think it is too early to tell, despite the fact that I've been absolutely panic-stricken about these fucking drawings, and that I almost dropped the class yesterday.
It's worth a try, as cliche as that sounds.
My observational drawing skills will have to improve over this semester, if I put in the time and effort.

the question will not be CAN I do this, but do I WANT to do this.
(ah, I am so pithy tonight. maybe I should write some cheap little self-help book...)

if this doesn't work out, I will return to music. and there I'll stay. I've talked about studying music SO much, and I've written extensively about my feelings toward it.
I want to, very greatly. I've just had so many doubts about it. and I've had doubts about finding a career with a degree in music.

but, as I've said, only time will tell. maybe I'm just off to a rough start in my Architectural studies. who knows.

tomorrow holds lots and lots and lots of drawing. and freezing. freezing all my appendages.
wonderful.

our Prof wants us to be drawing drawing drawing all the time. it's just going to take time to form a habit of it.
he told us, explicitly, that he wants to "eat up all our free time" with drawing.

which means I should really focus on trying to spend less time on this damn computer.



ah well. I think my scatter-brained post is finished. glad I ended on a halfway positive note

goodnight,
:)