My Neck, My Back... My Future and My Goals?

I feel like "My Neck, My Back" by Khia is permanently stuck in my head. Obviously it's a wonderful song--that goes without saying. But I just don't understand why IT'S ALWAYS IN MY HEAD. I go to bed at night and I hear "All you ladiez pop yo p***y like this." I walk onto the elevator and I hear "Right now, lick it good, suck this p***y just like you should." As I walk around on campus, it still echoes in my head.

I have no idea why.

Oh well.

At any rate, I decided to post a different sort of blog. Upon reviewing some of my more recent ones, I've noticed a slowly-evolving trend. Each blog seems to deal with confusion about the future, fear, and disillusionment. A sort of "woe-is-me-what-am-I-doing-with-my-life?!?!" tone. and I suppose that if the point of journaling is to document one's thoughts, then I have accomplished something. in that sense, they're accurate, since my fear of the future is something I think of an AWFUL LOT.
The other day, however, I sat down in my dorm room with a nice hot chai, and I had the most philosophical and enlightening conversation... with myself... you might call me pathetic or neurotic, but it actually helped a lot. (plus, I've read somewhere that talking to oneself is the highest form of intelligence... hmmmmm ;] ) ANYWAY, I sort of came to the conclusion that I expend ENTIRELY too much mental energy stressing out about the future. and yes, it is a very important thing to think about. I don't think I should completely disregard it. but it's just come to the point where it's not even fruitful anymore. it's just pointless and self-pitying and self-centered.
The little metaphor I came up with to help myself understand the situation was this:

stressing out about what my major will be is like wishing to change the content of a letter after it's already been mailed... "oh, if only I would have changed this word or that!"
"I wish I could have it back, just to erase that mark..."
Basically, I realized that at this point in time, it's unrealistic to drop classes or add any, so I might as well stick with the ones I've got and let it be. I realized that I have not been not committing to my classes as much as I should have. Regardless of whether or not the classes I'm taking now will lead to my major or career, I still need to work hard in them. I'll never know if I'm truly passionate about something until I give it my 100%.


Additionally, I have decided to apply to be a Resident Assistant (RA) in the dorms here at UW-Milwaukee! I'm very excited... and stressed. right now I'm working on assembling my Reference Forms. I need to have all the necessary materials in by Monday, and I'm kinda stressin'. I'm really hoping my two references are able to pull through for me. If not, I'll be legitimately screwed. I actually contacted three different people, when only two are required.

I think that I shouldn't stress about it too much. My friends here tell me that Milwaukee Housing is pretty desperate for RA's, so in the terrible, terrible event that I'd have to turn in a reference form late, I might still get picked. but I don't know. that's not guaranteed. and I really don't want to risk that...

Oh well, it should all hopefully fall into place.

I'm excited. I think being an RA would be awesome, albeit stressful. and yes, it would probably take a significant chunk out of my social life, but that's fine. I have entirely too much free time now.
Plus, it'll be a resume builder.


Arrivederci, blog.